Hmmmm...am I in the new chapter? If not, be well Hon and know that I love you and am always praying for you.

That comment was from me... duh me for not signing in, haha.

What's up with Brody? I'd rather hear from you about it; I don't know him well enough to take what he says at face value.

Brody is safe, sweets. He was quite messed up there for a while... well, BEYOND messed up really. Tried to destroy me and the others and everyone I love. But since Anthony walked out, alot of changes have taken place in him... in all of us, really. And I know he's very sincere and honest in his striving for change. I think he's finally being willing to reach out to someone other than just staying within himself, where all the pain and anger sits... to finally see what a real life feels like. To learn to feel and care again.

well, i guess i'm out (i don't see any new friends in my list). i hope your journey finally leads you to the happiness you've always deserved and I've always hoped for you.

bye, hun.

/hug

What you probably don't know, is I want nothing more than to have you on my journal. The fact that you are one of *THE* most important people in my life, one of the dearest of all my friends, hasn't changed.
But Ruth, in all honesty, I can't keep putting so much more into this relationship than I'm getting back from you. It's exhausting me, and I just don't have it in me anymore. And really, it's not fair to me either.
I'd love to talk to you about this stuff... but I'm at the point where I've just given up on that. Months go by without a single word from you. Then a few comments here and there, which I usually reply to, but almost never get a response back on. Then more time goes by, no word. Then miracuously, I hear from you, more than just an LJ comment. And we talk, I voice my feelings, you tell me how things are, and a promise of change. Then... gone. Again. For months at a time... again. I comment on your posts, and very rarely (in fact I've been quite suprised the few times you have actually answered my comments to your posts) do you respond to my comments. Almost as if I simply don't exsist. I hear the excuses of being so busy, having no time online, no time on LJ, and whatever else is the excuse for the moment. But yet you constantly seem to have time to answer many other of your friends' journals, their entries and comments and replies. Obviously I don't know what your contact is like with them beyond that, but I imagine they hear from you FAR more often than I do. I sign into messenger, and see you there a lot of the time. Sometimes "away", sometimes "busy", sometimes just there. I've given up messaging you first, because I know it'll just be to get my hopes up only to once again be thrown down and destroyed when you dissappear... again.
My days are spent thinking of you. Wondering how you're doing, if you're alright, LONGING to talk with you, spend time with you. I'm constantly wondering about how this works... where we both apparently have such little amount of time to keep in touch with each other, but yet, I always made it a point to MAKE time for you. because you were important to me. Because it was a priority in my mind, to have that time with my best friend. To talk to her, to read about her life and hopefully comment back and forth about it... and many times I even tried for the whole spending personal time thing. It didn't matter how busy my scedule was... I made sure to fit you in. But the pain and feeling of rejection and unworthiness when I could see you very obviously never putting forth near the same effort, got to be too much. And as I'm sure you've noticed, I've backed off a lot.
I still get all giddy when I see you're name in my email, showing you've replied to an entry of mine. And i read them, and am always so grateful you finally took the time to read what I've written. And I always appreciate your comments, whatever they may say. But at the same time, it's also always a bit depressing, dissapointing, and disturbing that whatever I've written about is so far past, that it hardly ever applies anymore at the time you finally get around to commenting. And these things, these goings ons in my life, are things I would like nothing better than to have YOU by my side WHILE I'm going thru them. I'm sure you don't even notice, 3/4 of the time, my posts are somehow personally directed at you (and sometimes others, more often recently actually since you've been around less and less) because I want to directly speak to YOU about it. But what good does that do when I don't hear from you for weeks, sometiems months down the road... if at all?
*sigh* I want you in my life. I want you part of my life, more than anything. But I can't keep doing the one way relationship thing. It's not fair to me, and I don't have the energy for it anymore. And it's not just you... most of the people who didn't come with me to this new journal, didn't come for the same reasons. I just don't have it in me to deal with it anymore. I deserve to have people in my life who are willing to at least TRY to put forth even as much as possible of an effort to the relationship with me, as I am. And I simply have to start putting my foot down about that.
(to be continued...)

(...continued from previous comment)
I guess what it comes down to, is this is all in your hands. If you truly do want to be a part of my life, then BE a part of my life. Because the pain of feeling like my best friend just doesn't care enough anymore to put forth an effort.... it's too much to bare.
You let me know. You know where to find me... there are PLENTY of ways to reach me, and I'm almost always reachable, no matter how busy I may be. I make sure of that.

I love you. VERY, very much. *tight embrace*

Crap! Did I miss the bandwagon? I have been super busy but I am back like a suave ninja! I think I added your new livejournal but I am friends with some communities so rather than weeding through my friends list I am just going to your personal journal to read. Am I off or am I still on like donkey kong?

Silly girl, you're still on. It's about time you come back, though! Geez!
I don't write in this journal anymore. Keep it on your list, cuz it's still reffered to on occasion... but the journal I have been active in for the last 6+ months is undefeated0ne. You'll find me there, and you are on that list as weel. Wouldn't dream of getting rid of you! *mwah*
You've a HELL of a lot to catch up on though. Man. Get to readin' woman! *wink wink*

Haha. Seriously though, good to see you back. ♥